This post is dedicated to Iicarrynocash and his girl.
You know often times I think it can be hard to get an honest assessment from someone about military life. Either they are gun ho and love, live, and breathe everything military or the flip side is someone who lives, breathes, and hates the military. It can be difficult at times to find a good in-between. I hope I can find that in-between for Icarrynocash and his girl.
The usual pros and cons sound something like this:
Pros: Security, steady paycheck, new experiences, health care, access to commissary and the exchange
Cons: Deployments, inability at times to set down roots, feeling that you have no control in your life, kids miss mom or dad
Those I believe are basis's.
Now I'm going to start with not always expressed cons.
My biggest con is sleeping in empty house. I hate it beyond description. When J is gone I get tired of cleaning the litter boxes and feeding the cats, and when I go to bed and am nice and comfortable and I don't remember if I checked the locks on the doors I am the one that gets back up.
If I'm sick I'm the one that has to get my medicine and you know I feel if I have to deal with the commissary, J should as well. I don't like doing that by myself. I miss having my weekends with him. Sure I have friends to go to dinner with but you know I like spending that time with my husband. I miss our long drives. Sure I could do it myself but you know I have a tendency to get lost. I get tired of being responsible for being the adult. I get tired of not hearing his voice or share family gossip with him.
I miss not spending special days with my family. I've missed birthdays, weddings, and funerals. I missed seeing my sisters first apartment and lunches with my mom and cookouts with my dad. I've missed important events in my friends lives and some of those friends I've grown apart from.
And there probably other cons and things that in life aren't fair.
Now for my pros.
We have paved our way into our own life. We don't need our family to lean on. J and I have found strength beyond what we thought was possible.
We have had the ability to live in places we would have never had without the navy. We've met people from all corners of the world that we never would have met. Our understanding of differences is broader than if we had stayed where we were born. I have pictures in my scrapbook that no one else in my family will have.
And here something that may sound a little corny and maybe it's a little too gun ho but I can't help it. For me, when I look at the flag I have deep understanding of what has been sacrificed for more than 200 years to give us the freedoms that we have. I have a sense of patriotism I would have never have known had J not been in the military. I know how hard separation can be but the positive in that is I now have great appreciation for time spent with loved ones.
The friends that I have made have been wonderful. The men and women who serve this country and their significant others are the most amazing people I've ever met. I will always be able to say "I was a navy wife" and anyone whose stood in my shoes will know exactly what that entails.
I guess at the end of the day the pros and cons for each person is different. We've seen a regular visitor here post comments saying she feels its not worth it. Her pros and cons will be very different from mine. So much depends on you experience that you're having and your attitude. You have to find what works for you. There can't be a positive without a negative or a ying without a yang but life is what we make of of it.
There are pros and cons to every aspect of life. The key to it all is ... there is no key. You gotta wing it. LOL You gotta find the perfect wave to ride. For some that wave is communication and others it is independence.
I have never regretted this ride called navy life. I've loved it and I've hated it. But in the end there is something that makes it worth it to me. I'm not sure what is and may change from day to day. The one thing I am certain of is that keeps challenging me and it's that challenge that I find irresistible.
Icarrynocash, I think it is wonderful you came to this blog and you want to help your girl make this transition. To me it shows how aware you are of her emotional needs. My advise to you would be to keep those lines of communication open. When my husband and I first got married and moved to Jacksonville I couldn't sleep that first month. I was 19 and away from home for the first time and couldn't sleep. So he would take me for a drive until I fell asleep and then we would go home. He did this every night for that first month even though he had to get up early in the morning to go to work. Being as young as he was he knew how important it was to help me through that transition. Eventually I started falling asleep without having to be driven around. When he left a few months later for that six month deployment he knew that I would be okay.
My advise to your girl would be find a support system. It is so important. Make friends. It can be hard but having women friends who know what she going through is so important.
Now that I'm at the end of this, I'm not really sure if this what you where looking for. I hope that it was. I wish you two the best journey. Please feel free to contact me through the "contact me" option on this blog if you have an questions.
Good luck! Enjoy the ride but wear your seatbelt.
Steph
Posted at 10:58 pm by thpets
Jaime October 31, 2005 01:34 AM PST Steph is right on, in my opinion. To add to it, the security is awesome.
Health care - done. If you need anything, appointments, surgery, what have you, the medical is taken care of. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it really is. If you're in an accident, you're covered and at a reasonable rate, especially if you have Prime insurance. Also there's dental insurance available at great rates for family members.
Secuirty - done. As long as you follow the rules, which seem crazy at first but really aren't that bad, and you can advance reasonably within your rate, you have a job. In today's topsy turvy economy, that's a relief.
Leave - While you can't always call in sick when you might want/need to and vacation time isn't available exactly when you want it all the time, you start out with 30 days of paid vacation time coming and you continually earn more. Awesome!
Paid moves - The military moves you when you change duty stations. Even your very first move is taken care of at entry level! VERY few other companies will hire you, train you utterly and completely, pay you to learn, then pay you to move where they need you most.
Extra pay - The Navy pays BAH if you dont' live in Navy housing. Most companies dont' pay a living allowance in the cvilian sector! There's also BAS when the sailor is home, which covers food. While the sailor is deployed though, BAS stops because the Navy is taking care of it. Granted, at sea, seperation pay can kick in, along with seapay, potentially flight deck pay, etc. There's also yearly uniform allotments and if you're lucky, bonuses when you reenlist.
MWR - Morale Welfare and Recreation offer up discounted ski passes, tickets to concerts and other events, trips to area attractions, auto hobby shop, and outdoor rec all make life a little easier. The hobby shop offers classes in minor car repair here at Whidbey, I'm sure they do at other bases as well. Bonus for those of us who are car "impaired" ;)
FFSC - The Fleet and Family Service Center offers classes on managing money, parenting, home buying, etc. They also have tons of information on the area and can help you get in touch with other base FFSCs to get info on the areas you might be going to next.
NEX/Commissary - Shopping made easy. The Commissary has great prices and they're federally funded, so they sell at cost, plus a 5% surcharge to cover things like bags and other overhead. The NEX is a business that offers tons of great products tax free from clothes to makeup to uniforms to snacks and more. A portion of every purchase made at the NEX goes back into the MWR program, so buying at the NEX makes life better for sailors! Kinda cool. ;) There's also a lot of employment opportunity at the Commissary and at the NEX for sailor's dependants.
Gosh, there's just so much stuff that is tangible, and Steph's already hit on basically all of it...
It's really more of the unseen and untouchable that makes it worthwhile for me though. My family really love the little things now. The scent of his shampoo on the pillowcase makes such a big difference... the little holiday traditions, the thrill of seeing his car in the driveway and knowing he's HOME, the continual "honeymoons" after deployments and the periods of falling in love all over again after a long seperation.... There's so much strength you get as a military couple, it's unbelievable.
Proud Infantry Wife November 2, 2005 12:44 PM PST I have to agree. As an Army spouse there is always good with the bad. We were fortunate that another Army officer who attended college with my husband and I are stationed at the same installion. He is currently deployed and we do everything we can for his wife and children (who I am close friends with) and it is understood that when my husband deploys in a few months thhe roles will be reversed as the deployed Soldier will return soon.
Even though I would rather have my husband here, I knew what I was getting into when I said "I do" and support him 100%.
icarrynocash November 2, 2005 07:34 PM PST thanks Steph and everyone for giving such good info and advice it helped much and was more than i needed :}
icarrynocash November 2, 2005 07:40 PM PST and P.S.
i want to again say that i am thankful for the "cons" too
b/c i need "my girl" (lol) to know what she is getting into ( and that she marries the Navy when she marries me)
bye.
Steph November 2, 2005 11:26 PM PST Icarrynocash: I'm glad we could help you out. When are you joining up?
icarrynocash November 3, 2005 12:26 PM PST i plan on joining sometime early next year
Steph November 3, 2005 10:43 PM PST Well I think you've made a great decision. Like anything else the navy has it's pros and cons but in this economy, I think it's a wise choice. It's full of tradition and honor. You'll have bad commands, good commands, and commands. Just remember if you find a place that you don't like, your next duty station will be different. When you get to your first command, find a mentor. A good mentor can mean all the difference to a new sailor and their family.
Renee January 4, 2009 04:18 PM PST I am the mother of three and will be joining the Navy this year. I would just like to thank the wives for the pros and cons of the Navy. This will be my first time leaving my family.
