I think my husband dreads deployments more than I do. They aren't planning on heading out until later next year, but he's already getting into "deployment funk." Between workups and the deployment, we both know he won't be around much, and that can take a toll on the family.

It's always the same for us before a seperation... one of us is trying to relax and enjoy the time we have together and the other is stressed out about the upcoming time apart and we have trouble meeting in the middle. Somehow, it all balances out, but it gets a bit hairy on occasion.

Every couple handles things differently, which is understandable. The Navy doesn't try to make too many generalizations because each family dynamic is so unique. It can be frustrating when there really isn't a set "How to Prep for Deployment Guide." In a way, after some experience, I'm glad there isn't one - each deployment and each family is different. Following a set of guidelines just doesn't cut it.

There are certain bases that everyone needs to have covered before and during a deployment cycle - Power of Attorney, ensuring the family has the base accesses it needs, a deployment budget, a Will, an emergency information list (who to contact in what situation and how information will be passed from the deployed family member to the homefront, etc) and a support system (who to call if the main water line explodes to who to go to if life seems a bit too overwhelming and you just feel like you can't face another day...). How those things are handled can vary widely from family to family.

Everything from packing lists to communication times and types can vary from command to command as well as from sailor to sailor. It makes planning difficult and for those of us who like things orderly and enjoy feeling a bit of control, it can make things.... difficult at best. Once you've learned to go with the flow or at least brace for the ups and downs, things get a little easier.

We, Jase and I, rely an awful lot on each other at home as well as during deployments. Sometimes we forget the other one doesn't have a crystal ball or perfectly attuned telepathic powers and we have bumps in the road that are bigger than necessary... but we get over it eventually. We've learned to make it a rule that we don't vent in a letter or email without putting in at least two other things in there that aren't "rant worthy." Otherwise, we wind up with skewed visions of how things are really going.

Be sure to talk to your family as much as you can before a deployment - what kinds of communications do you want? How much communication can your family expect from each other? How do you want emergencies handled? Do you want a phone call every port call? How do you want to handle Homecoming? We've found it's best to talk about this one WAY before cruise... otherwise we get "I dunno, what do YOU want to do?" or "I don't even know what is going ON anymore, why don't we just do whatever you want?" Talk about a couple of indecisive people. ;)

When it comes to deployments, there are frustrating questions, but there are no stupid questions. Do you want to know how your sailor's day is normally structured? Ask BEFORE your sailor heads out - and ask specific questions. When I asked, "What's your bunk like?" I got, "Small." as an answer. *taps foot* Not quite what I was looking for. I tried "How do you have things arranged in your rack?" the description was much more detailed. If you ask a question that your sailor's heard fifty times, you can remind them that while you might be married to the military, you're not actually in it and you aren't as connected as your sailor. Sometimes your loved one is your only source of information and he or she can forget that, considering how much goes on at the command before deployment.

A lot of understanding, patience, and compromise can make things go smoother - but preparing for a seperation is rarely easy. It gets easier and you can learn to adapt to it, but few and far between are the long seperations that don't have their share of hardships. I guess in a way, that's a good thing. The harder it is to be apart, the easier it is to appreciate the little things when you actually can be together again.