Steph August 5, 2005   02:08 AM PDT   To be honest the only con I can think of are the deployments. I've enjoyed everything else the navy has to offer.

	navy wife August 5, 2005   09:38 AM PDT   I think another con is how I'm regarded in the 3rd person. I.e, they'll ask my DH, "Your wife needs to...." or "What 'she' needs to do..." etc. When we transfer, I was told I had to 'report' into the medical base so they could transfer my record. 'Report'? I'm not in the military!! I've applied for a job at the Exchange, and it seems I have to allow them to conduct a credit report, which will tell them if I'm a risk or not to hire. I think that's BS, as noone around town will hire me because I"m a 'dependant'. My career is shot down (as we will have to move every 3 years), I"m treated as unimportant baggage, and treated as if I'm a ghost at times.

	Steph August 5, 2005   02:06 PM PDT   Well a lot of jobs now days check credit. Some jobs will actually deny a person if they have bad credit. As far as being treated as baggage, again that can happen in the military or civilian world. A company's main concern is their company not the family life of their employees. While I would agree with you that my husband is serving not me, my support in what makes this an easier career choice for him is crucial. Just as his support in any endeavor I embarked on would be crucial for my success. I won't follow orders from anyone in the military. Though I know how to pick my battles and I know in some cases to make his life easier, I should just go with the flow. You know if you want military medical coverage, you will have to report. It's a price we pay for the health coverage we receive. If you're uncomfortable with how business is conducted you have choice of paying more and seeing a civilian doctor on the outside. The military life is not for everyone and often times not very fair. The one thing we have total choice in is how we choose to deal with them.

	Jaime August 5, 2005   06:43 PM PDT   Woosh - the list for both sides is long, but distinguished LOL Actually, I really enjoy Navy life and all that goes with it. It's a roller coaster ride for sure, but it keeps things interesting! As an Exchange employee with not-so-hot credit, I can tell you that many a company in the civilian world judges harsher than the NEX does. A lot of it can depend on the job you're applying for. If you want to work in the cash cage and count money all day, they'll probably want someone who is fairly "secure" financially. Does a credit score say that? Well, no - but it's an indicator of how money was utilized in the past. If you want to work in the photo lab or in women's clothing, they probably don't give three hoots about your score, y'know? Deployments and unexpected seperations suck - and while sometimes it seems the families are an after thought, they aren't. It's just really, really, really hard to get a command ready and still somehow have the time, money, and energy to prep a lot of families as well. We're going through workups right now and it can be a bit on the stressful side, especially when miscommunications occur. The lack of understanding between the command and the families can sometimes be grating. "Suck it up" doesn't always apply, IMO - but the Navy does seem to do more for the families than most companies do. Then again, most companies don't send their employees to dangerous places for extended periods... ;) I honestly don't have many complaints. While DH is out to sea, I'm pretty darn well taken care of. I have a lot of understanding friends and tons of "backup" in the military system to help me out. Sometimes there's a lot of red tape involved to get the help that's needed, but it's there nevertheless! Is it easy? Hardly! Does it grate on my nerves sometimes? OH YES! Sometimes I wish my sweetie could just call in sick. Just once. Sometimes I wish HE would be home for a doctor's appointment with the kid, rather than me taking her in for a checkup or vaccinations. Sometimes I wish that he had a "regular" job, but the security, the travel potential, and many, many of the people make up for the downsides.

	Erika Eck October 8, 2005   08:54 PM PDT   This is all really interesting to me. I am in a longterm relationship with a USNA midshipman. I never really thought about anything in the military before I met him, but I love him. It's nice to see people being blunt and honest about the way it really is. Helps us newbies figure out what we are getting ourselves into.

	Rae October 9, 2005   04:44 PM PDT   Cons? Treated and regarded as chopped liver. Just before his deployment, my DH had to go to Norfolk for training around Xmas. He was given 2 weeks off, and so I drove down there to visit. I arrived at the barracks, and went to the front desk to get my DH's room key (he told me he'd left it there for me, and told them I was coming). Despite the note taped on his key that specifically told them I was arriving and it was for me, they refused to help me because the note didn't specify to give it to me. I had been awake for 36 hours, anxious to see my DH (who was in training when I arrived), and I lost it. I couldn't stop the tears, turned around, and sat on the couch in thier lobby. Management didn't want to talk to my DH when I called him, until my DH threatened to send security over. They then let me in the room, but they still held onto the key. I'm a candidate for the EFM program (exceptional family member) due to my seizures. My DH and i made an appt. to meet with the coordinator, and get the ball rolling. This person treated me like a ghost, and referred to me in the 3rd person. EVERYTHING was directed to my DH, not me. Everytime I'd pipe up and announce my presense, he'd look at me like I was being rude, then proceeded to show my DH what I had to do, where to sign, etc. Later on, I made a complaint to the chief about this person, and decided I wasn't about to sign up with this rude person. Later that day, my DH called me to tell me the same individual drove onto the base, and started asking him about MY medical business. Mr. Rude Person asked my husband when I planned on coming down to finish the paperwork for my condition, etc. in front of the entire guard shack. I was furious and took it up with the Chief again. No way in hell am I signing up for this now. I apparantly am not entitled to medical privacy. And this is only the beginning. During this upcoming move, I found out that the military will be moving my DH's items, not mine. I have to abide by their rules and regulations about weight limits even though I am not in the service. I have no control over my life, where we go, and any opinions I have are mine alone to deal with. I have already dealt with the fact I will never have a career, or an excellent resume with all the future moves we'll have to do. Home businesses I've researched consists of babysitting, arts and crafts, sewing, taxes, etc. and of course, I can always bag groceries at the base's stores. So, I'm relinquishing my life, career, voice, opinions, future goals, and plans to support my DH in the Navy, despite the fact that the Navy regards me as chopped liver. I will no longer have any opinions about anything, as there is noone I can go to. Flee/Family Support? Yea, to sit in a room with a civilian therapist who doesn't know what I'm going through, and has no idea on how to help me. I'm giving up on my life, and supporting my DH's career. All in all, I hope it's going to be worth it.

	Rae October 10, 2005   08:31 AM PDT   One of the things I'm sick and tired of hearing is how people say, "The military life isn't for everyone." I'll tell you why. My sister joined the Air Force, and after 4 years decided to quit because it wasn't what she was looking for. That was my sister's choice. My DH joined the Navy. That was HIS choice. He has agreed to follow orders and do whatever the Navy tells him to do. I DIDN"T. If this 'military life' isn't for me, what can I do to get out of it? Where's the paperwork I have to sign? I never had a choice, I never agreed to anything, and yet, I have to follow the regulations, weight limits, beauracratic BS, and 'behave' on base or else my DH will get in trouble because of me. How do I get out of this military life??? I love my DH with all my heart, he's my soulmate, my best friend. I don't want to sacrifice his career at all, but if this military life isn't for me, what should I do? See what I mean? With that statement, you're making the person feel better by saying, "Oh, the military life isn't for everyone," but in order to get out of it, all you have to do is file for divorce??? That's not fair. It's not a fair statement to tell new-bies like myself. That's like me telling you, "Having a job isn't for everyone", but what are you supposed to do to make money??? "The military life isn't for everyone"? What do I have to do to get out? Don't even mention anything concerning my DH, because though the 'military life isn't for me', my husband is. So, tell us!!! Please explain.

	Beth October 26, 2005   03:00 AM PDT   Well it seems to me if you love your husband, you will find a way to come to terms with what he wants career wise. If it's something you can't be happy with then you need to have a conversation with him. Bottom line is whether you like the saying or not, the military life isn't for everyone. I'm not sure what weight regulations you say you have to follow, but as a dependent, I've never run into that. Being on base, yes you do have to follow regulations. But you know if your husband worked at a civilian company and you ran a muck in the building, he would get in trouble. We are a reflection of our spouses and if we go to their place of work and break the rules they will get in trouble for our actions whether it's on a navy base or at Burger King. You DID agree to this military life when you married him. If he was in the military when you married you also married the military. If you were married when he joined then it should have been a joint decision. I guess the bottom line is you can either find a way to accept what he has chosen to do and support in him that choice, tell him how you feel and that it's not a life you'd like to continue to live and wait out his term, or divorce. One thing is for certain, if you stay in the mindset you are in now, you will be miserable for a long time to come. I wish you the best of luck.

	Bob July 24, 2007   09:21 AM PDT   Glad I found this page- Considering a navy career myself, but I believe its a decision my wife and I need to make together. This page will give her at least some idea of what she could expect. I come from a navy family, but I really don't think she's even known anyone in the military, apart from a few friends of mine. Thanks for the pros and cons.

 

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