It's been a very long time since this blog has had a new entry, truth of the matter is, I've kind of forgotten about it. Things in life start to happen and before you know it, it's been more than two years since an entry was posted on a blog.
Maybe we'll be able to get something going on this blog in the new year. Until then I want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday!
Take care,
Steph
**The following is being transmitted around the Internet as an event that really took place, but it never happened. It is simply an old joke like those found in popular magazines:**
Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
When the good Lord was creating wives, He was into his sixth day of overtime. An angel appeared and said, "You're having a lot of trouble with this one, "What's wrong with the standard model?"
And the Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, but must be called a dependent and must be sponsored to get on base. She must have the qualities of both mother and father during deployment, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40, run on black coffee, handle emergencies without an appropriate manual, be able to handle flu, birthdays, and move around the world, have a kiss that cures anything from a child's torn Valentine to a husband's weary day, have the patience of a saint when waiting for the squadron to come home, and have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands! No Way!"
And the Lord answered, "Don't worry, we'll make other military spouses to help. Besides it's not the hands that are causing the problem, it's the heart. It must swell with pride in her husband, sustain the aches of separations, beat on soundly when it's too tired to do so, and be large enough to say 'I understand' when she doesn't, and say 'I love you' regardless."
"Lord", said the angel, touching his sleeve gently. "Go to bed, you can finish that tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something unique. Already I have one who heals herself when she's sick, can feed three unexpected guests who are stuck due to bad weather, and can wave goodbye to her husband from a runway and understand it is important to his country that he leaves."
The angel circled the model of the military spouse very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.
"But tough," said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this woman can do or endure."
"Can it think?"
"Can it think! It can convert 1400 to 2:00PM."
Finally the angel bent over and ran her fingers across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced.
"I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear."
"What's it for?" asked the angel.
"Its for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness and pride!"
"You are a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber and replied "I didn't put it there."
This post is dedicated to Iicarrynocash and his girl.
You know often times I think it can be hard to get an honest assessment from someone about military life. Either they are gun ho and love, live, and breathe everything military or the flip side is someone who lives, breathes, and hates the military. It can be difficult at times to find a good in-between. I hope I can find that in-between for Icarrynocash and his girl.
The usual pros and cons sound something like this:
Pros: Security, steady paycheck, new experiences, health care, access to commissary and the exchange
Cons: Deployments, inability at times to set down roots, feeling that you have no control in your life, kids miss mom or dad
Those I believe are basis's.
Now I'm going to start with not always expressed cons.
My biggest con is sleeping in empty house. I hate it beyond description. When J is gone I get tired of cleaning the litter boxes and feeding the cats, and when I go to bed and am nice and comfortable and I don't remember if I checked the locks on the doors I am the one that gets back up.
If I'm sick I'm the one that has to get my medicine and you know I feel if I have to deal with the commissary, J should as well. I don't like doing that by myself. I miss having my weekends with him. Sure I have friends to go to dinner with but you know I like spending that time with my husband. I miss our long drives. Sure I could do it myself but you know I have a tendency to get lost. I get tired of being responsible for being the adult. I get tired of not hearing his voice or share family gossip with him.
I miss not spending special days with my family. I've missed birthdays, weddings, and funerals. I missed seeing my sisters first apartment and lunches with my mom and cookouts with my dad. I've missed important events in my friends lives and some of those friends I've grown apart from.
And there probably other cons and things that in life aren't fair.
Now for my pros.
We have paved our way into our own life. We don't need our family to lean on. J and I have found strength beyond what we thought was possible.
We have had the ability to live in places we would have never had without the navy. We've met people from all corners of the world that we never would have met. Our understanding of differences is broader than if we had stayed where we were born. I have pictures in my scrapbook that no one else in my family will have.
And here something that may sound a little corny and maybe it's a little too gun ho but I can't help it. For me, when I look at the flag I have deep understanding of what has been sacrificed for more than 200 years to give us the freedoms that we have. I have a sense of patriotism I would have never have known had J not been in the military. I know how hard separation can be but the positive in that is I now have great appreciation for time spent with loved ones.
The friends that I have made have been wonderful. The men and women who serve this country and their significant others are the most amazing people I've ever met. I will always be able to say "I was a navy wife" and anyone whose stood in my shoes will know exactly what that entails.
I guess at the end of the day the pros and cons for each person is different. We've seen a regular visitor here post comments saying she feels its not worth it. Her pros and cons will be very different from mine. So much depends on you experience that you're having and your attitude. You have to find what works for you. There can't be a positive without a negative or a ying without a yang but life is what we make of of it.
There are pros and cons to every aspect of life. The key to it all is ... there is no key. You gotta wing it. LOL You gotta find the perfect wave to ride. For some that wave is communication and others it is independence.
I have never regretted this ride called navy life. I've loved it and I've hated it. But in the end there is something that makes it worth it to me. I'm not sure what is and may change from day to day. The one thing I am certain of is that keeps challenging me and it's that challenge that I find irresistible.
Icarrynocash, I think it is wonderful you came to this blog and you want to help your girl make this transition. To me it shows how aware you are of her emotional needs. My advise to you would be to keep those lines of communication open. When my husband and I first got married and moved to Jacksonville I couldn't sleep that first month. I was 19 and away from home for the first time and couldn't sleep. So he would take me for a drive until I fell asleep and then we would go home. He did this every night for that first month even though he had to get up early in the morning to go to work. Being as young as he was he knew how important it was to help me through that transition. Eventually I started falling asleep without having to be driven around. When he left a few months later for that six month deployment he knew that I would be okay.
My advise to your girl would be find a support system. It is so important. Make friends. It can be hard but having women friends who know what she going through is so important.
Now that I'm at the end of this, I'm not really sure if this what you where looking for. I hope that it was. I wish you two the best journey. Please feel free to contact me through the "contact me" option on this blog if you have an questions.
I try most of the time to be positive about this navy experience, but sometimes it is hard.
It's not the duty, Chain of Command, or even the time at sea ... for me the worst part is late at night when the house is quiet and I'm alone with my thoughts. I hear every little bump in the night and then the thought that creeps in my mind is "How do I do this?" Yes even after almost 11 years of marriage to a sailor, I still have that thought. Granted now, it's followed by answers.
I think the thing I miss the most when J is out to sea is the companionship. The "our" in "our weekend" and "our plans" suddenly is replaced with "my." It's not that I can't have that independence of "my" but I do prefer the "our." It really is like a piece of me is missing.
Though when I begin to hit that low point I tell myself "Suck it up sunshine. This is the life you chose. You may not have known what you were getting into at 19 but now at 30 you know how it is."
I think a lot of us even being in this life for a good amount of time still have that thought. The difference between experience and lack of is how you pick yourself up and keep moving. If you love your sailor and you've chosen this life, you have no choice keep moving forward. It's when we stop moving a part of us dies.
How do you keep moving I can hear someone ask? I don't know. I don't know if there is an answer to that. It's something inside of you that you dig deep and find. Sometimes you find just a little acorn of strength and with nurture, love, and patience it turns into a huge tree of strength.
So while I have this "woe is me" moment I know tomorrow will be different. My strength will return and my answers of "how do I do this" will be back. I guess what I want to say to those young or new spouses who are facing a deployment and don't how they are going to make it ... you will make it. I still have my moments but I pick myself back up and start making my way to the end of the tunnel. You can too. Allow yourself to have your moments of "poor me" but don't stay in it.
I think my husband dreads deployments more than I do. They aren't planning on heading out until later next year, but he's already getting into "deployment funk." Between workups and the deployment, we both know he won't be around much, and that can take a toll on the family.
It's always the same for us before a seperation... one of us is trying to relax and enjoy the time we have together and the other is stressed out about the upcoming time apart and we have trouble meeting in the middle. Somehow, it all balances out, but it gets a bit hairy on occasion.
Every couple handles things differently, which is understandable. The Navy doesn't try to make too many generalizations because each family dynamic is so unique. It can be frustrating when there really isn't a set "How to Prep for Deployment Guide." In a way, after some experience, I'm glad there isn't one - each deployment and each family is different. Following a set of guidelines just doesn't cut it.
There are certain bases that everyone needs to have covered before and during a deployment cycle - Power of Attorney, ensuring the family has the base accesses it needs, a deployment budget, a Will, an emergency information list (who to contact in what situation and how information will be passed from the deployed family member to the homefront, etc) and a support system (who to call if the main water line explodes to who to go to if life seems a bit too overwhelming and you just feel like you can't face another day...). How those things are handled can vary widely from family to family.
Everything from packing lists to communication times and types can vary from command to command as well as from sailor to sailor. It makes planning difficult and for those of us who like things orderly and enjoy feeling a bit of control, it can make things.... difficult at best. Once you've learned to go with the flow or at least brace for the ups and downs, things get a little easier.
We, Jase and I, rely an awful lot on each other at home as well as during deployments. Sometimes we forget the other one doesn't have a crystal ball or perfectly attuned telepathic powers and we have bumps in the road that are bigger than necessary... but we get over it eventually. We've learned to make it a rule that we don't vent in a letter or email without putting in at least two other things in there that aren't "rant worthy." Otherwise, we wind up with skewed visions of how things are really going.
Be sure to talk to your family as much as you can before a deployment - what kinds of communications do you want? How much communication can your family expect from each other? How do you want emergencies handled? Do you want a phone call every port call? How do you want to handle Homecoming? We've found it's best to talk about this one WAY before cruise... otherwise we get "I dunno, what do YOU want to do?" or "I don't even know what is going ON anymore, why don't we just do whatever you want?" Talk about a couple of indecisive people. ;)
When it comes to deployments, there are frustrating questions, but there are no stupid questions. Do you want to know how your sailor's day is normally structured? Ask BEFORE your sailor heads out - and ask specific questions. When I asked, "What's your bunk like?" I got, "Small." as an answer. *taps foot* Not quite what I was looking for. I tried "How do you have things arranged in your rack?" the description was much more detailed. If you ask a question that your sailor's heard fifty times, you can remind them that while you might be married to the military, you're not actually in it and you aren't as connected as your sailor. Sometimes your loved one is your only source of information and he or she can forget that, considering how much goes on at the command before deployment.
A lot of understanding, patience, and compromise can make things go smoother - but preparing for a seperation is rarely easy. It gets easier and you can learn to adapt to it, but few and far between are the long seperations that don't have their share of hardships. I guess in a way, that's a good thing. The harder it is to be apart, the easier it is to appreciate the little things when you actually can be together again.
You know the saying "It's been a long summer" well the truth of the matter is this summer has flown by and I've barely had enough time to read email much less post on this blog. So I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and that you are enjoying it as much as I am.
Recently on a list I'm on the pros and cons of being a military family have been discussed. So I'd like to post that question here ... what are the pros and cons of being part of a military family?
It never ceases to amaze me how much stuff is on base! I recently had our pet microchipped, bought used boxes that were in AWESOME condition for a buck each at the recycling center, had my oil changed for $7 less than in town, filled a propane tank, rented a camping space overlooking the water, and helped a friend by a car from another military family at the base car sales lot.
Whidbey sure is a small base and it seems liek there isn't much here, but it sure seems like there's always something new to discover!
